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Self Portrait 2005 and An Act of Faith

15 Aug

Self portrait January 2005 - Graphite Pencil on Sketch Pad

This is a self-portrait that I did for my first drawing class ever.  We were charged with creation of a self-portrait and to put three things that mean something to us in the picture.  I am wearing my necklace, which was given to me by my sister Jeanne to wear at her wedding which was in June 2004.  I was the matron of honor, 2 months after Stephen passed away.  That wedding meant so much to me because it helped me realize that marriage was until death do you part, and that I had to accept that part of my life to be over.  Hard pill to swallow when all you want is to go back to when life was sweet.

In the background you see a box of tissues and my husbands ashes in a cardboard box.  I promised him I would take them to his childhood summer get away in Booth Bay Harbor, Maine.  It was his maternal grandparents (Ludwig) place, and he was very much happy as a child there.   It took Stephen 9 years to get his Mother there (he told me the story many time) so I have 2 more years to do it.  It was a very emotional time when I drew this picture, and I can see how much pain I was in.  I’m still in pain, and will always feel sad that Stephen had to go.

Stephen always carried the pain of his Dad (at 10), Mom (at 25) and Grandma’s death (at 35) with him and it was a root cause of his severe bi-polar.  We talked about it often and I sure do understand him more now that I have gone thru the sheer pain of loss of someone you love.  It was the single most painful thing I have ever experienced and I got through it alive, however not unscathed.  Enjoy everyday you have… this life is a gift of the most pure nature, and it is not something to be wasted or taken for granted.

But I am blessed again with love and a life that perplexes me daily.  I know he would be happy that I found a way to live on and I continue to follow my dreams and I try not to dwell on it too much (but I still do).

Act of Faith – Rick Springfield

I tell you honestly,
Don’t you go and throw your heart away
I know it’s so hard to do
You’ve got to let go when you want to hold on
I know how much you miss him celebrate what you had
Don’t cry about the things left unsaid
It’ll do no good

You look for mercy and a meaning somewhere
You know that the hurting won’t go
‘Til you walk through the fire

It’s gonna take an Act Of Faith stand up and face the day
It’s gonna take an Act Of Faith, nobody can make you stay
It’s gonna take an Act Of Faith

Maybe love will find it’s way back into your life
Here’s my heart my love is in it
Here’s my heart my love is in it

Stand up, don’t you fall
You just take good care of where you are
You’re thinking life’s through with you
That’s not what he’d want or what you should do
I know you loved him baby celebrate who he was
I know you know you’ve got to go on and live your life
Go down to the river of the spirit that runs through you
And lay yourself down in the healing waters

It’s gonna take an Act Of Faith stand up and face the day
It’s gonna take an Act Of Faith, nobody can make you stay
It’s gonna take an Act Of Faith
Maybe love will find it’s way back into your life

Love is a healer
There is no purpose served in holding on
Love is a healer
There is no understanding why
Love is a healer
There is no sin in you that brought this to your door
My love, it just is

Here’s my heart my love is in it
Here’s my heart my love is in it
Here’s my heart my love is in it

It’s gonna take an Act Of Faith stand up and face the day
It’s gonna take an Act Of Faith, nobody can make you stay
It’s gonna take an Act Of Faith
Maybe love will find it’s way back into your life

It’s gonna take an Act Of Faith stand up and face the day
It’s gonna take an Act Of Faith, nobody can make you stay
It’s gonna take an Act Of Faith
Maybe love will find it’s way back into your life…

Grace Kelly and Typography

18 Jul

This is a project I did with the instruction to create a design in which only type is used.

This is my creation… GRACE KELLY, most beautiful even in words.

Typography Design of Grace Kelly

More Poetry

7 Jul

Attempt – By Robin Paddock

The struggle of decision collects in minds
The burial contains information – shriek
When the answer is achieved the heart will heal
Depression bleeds without liquid – choke
The heart of partner in every breath
The lost beating falls – kneel
It’s a powerful direction for those who never mourn
Cemetery disturbed without exchange – tremble
The disturbed of drink rely in everyone
The doors cover moaning – release
When the expansion is silent the pain will subside
Fuel voices without ghosts – worry
The mountain of pictures whispering in every eye
The reward tickles wealth – smash
It’s a foolish afterthought for those who welcome life

Have you ever had one of those days?

6 Jul

The Poem I just Wrote

I’ve been writing for a time that is obscene, all I am doing is bashing my head on the screen.

Trying to think of something unseen, this time my brain is coming up clean.

I thought about meter, assonance, alliteration and rhyme, ideas are eluding my sensitive mind.

I’m not in the mood to write using senses, Oh! Look I’m already up to 4 sentences!

I’ll keep on trying till I run out of time, I’m thinking and thinking and I’m starting to whine.

Density, intensity, prosody, and meter, I wonder if my vocabulary might please the reader.

I gave it my best to come up with a ditty, and all that I got was really not pretty.

So I’ll post my poem as a  draft, and hope that I’m not up the creek with no raft.

The next time I try to write on the fly, I’ll think of a subjects that more people will buy.

Brilliant the words that will flow from my pen, I’ll never be stuck bashing my head again.

A Metaphor of the Worst Kind

30 Jun

I was asked to write  a poem that extends a metaphor as a conceit throughout the poem…This is what I came up with.

Intimate Strangers

An uninvited guest, I asked him to come in.

Around my neck he slipped his belt, and tightened with a grin.

It was just a game he invented; a rehearsed improvisation.

Over my head, I stared into the eyes of my predator.

It was a domestic cooperation.

I snatched my clothes off the floor, a bruised and self-made whore.

I thanked him for the horror, and walked the bastard to the door.

Maybe I had misled; an unintended contribution.

In the mirror, I stare into the eyes of my predator.

We were intimate strangers.

Thanksgiving in June

27 Jun

I like to get creative with writing when I do it…. I like to have the words really express what I am feeling when I write it.  I want you to feel my memories of thanksgiving, and meld those with what your memories are… build a connection… between lifetimes.  Does this make you do that?–Robin

What do you want for desert? How about another turkey!

Image Description of Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is an event I look forward to every year.  Feasting on a succulent Turkey, cooked with love in a warm oven scenting the house with its crisping skin and dribbling juices.

At the first invasion of my steel blade, I observe the first slice of white meat removed from the tanned bird.  Feathering away from its bone, I anticipate a verdict on its succulence.  Stuffing erupts from every orifice, awaiting removal and serves as a subordinate.  Proceeding to the dark side I perceive a sound as a grimace; as the flesh meets its partner on a platter.

My stomach overfull, I begin the process of deconstruction.  Picking bones clean, tossing aside the gristle and unwanted remains of the kill.   I’m removing the evidence.  Precious scraps of bird stick to my fingers, and I find room in my bloated stomach for a little more.

Packed in cold plastic; leftovers, extras, unwanted portions will be resurrected in time to be devoured when hunger returns.  Bones and the carcass, now un-inviting go in a bag to be boiled into broth for soup, an accompaniment to my sandwich.  The dry wishbone hangs, waiting to be cracked in a fight for its last wish.

Creative Mentor Poem

24 Jun

Here is something that I like….it’s a poem I wrote and it has to do with choosing a mentor (someone you admire) and write a creative poem about it.  Can you guess my favorite movie and character from it?

MENTOR POEM

Tall Top Hat, tilted with grin,

Untouchable, quick to see past facades:

Oh! Invention, sweet delights:

Longing for the precise mind!

Sweet sensations mask the pain,

Adventurous temptation, another’s gain,

(Delivers injections, of parental shame.)

One by one, plucking the badness,

Lessons are taught, words are slight of hand:

Oh, deviant, yet caring:

Amused at the demise of the erroneous!

Remedy delivered, upon the bad and greedy,

Escaped from his life, lonely and needy,

(His clever whims prove speedy.)